Running late and out of cereal, the kids and I stopped by McDonald’s for breakfast this morning. As we sat down, my eyes met the eyes of a black man thoughtfully eating his breakfast alone. It didn’t occur to me for a few minutes that he might be eavesdropping on the conversation of a table of white know-it-alls at the table behind him, shooting the breeze and bashing the president. The subject turned to the new resident pet at the White House, one of the graybeards referring to the dog as the “new little Obama girl.” The man near me stood slowly, locked eyes with me again, walked out the door, and got into his BMW. Maybe the coffee drinkers at the table didn’t mean anything by it. Maybe they did. Maybe they were prejudiced and that’s why they said what they did. Maybe the black man was the one prejudiced for thinking so. Maybe a little of both.
But prejudice is more than what I saw at McDonald’s today. It’s me, seeing a Christian concert poster, and just feeling that those guys aren’t sincere in what they sing. It’s judging the lives of people dressed differently than me. It’s you, seeing an “I love Jesus” sign at a church of a different denomination than your own, and realizing that they couldn’t really love Jesus like the folks at your church do. It’s deciding the sexually active teen is worse off than the bitter adult. Prejudice can be sweetly excusing someone’s ignorance because they use the wrong Bible. Prejudice can be knowing that you are much more in tune with God than others are, and kindly keeping that knowledge to yourself. It’s praying for that poor Christian who only goes to church once a week and needs to get it right like you. It can be knowing in your heart who at McDonalds was in the wrong.
“Search me O God, and know my heart today…”
Monday, April 13, 2009
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Pyromania
She runs, her bare feet clinging to the hardwood floor, as the sounds of hard blows and unmuffled screams throb in her ears. Her grimy little hand grasps the cold brass knob of the heater closet, her safe, warm place. Eyes round, she peers carefully around her as she closes the door and lowers her torn body to the dusty floor. Puffs of cooler air from the heater’s return scuttled over her crossed legs as she positions her body to cover the crack under the door. The light disappears and with it, the security she should have gotten by locking herself away. Small and alone, her hands helplessly survey the dusty floor. She is searching. Searching for something to hope in.
Hope comes in the form of a small object lying near her feet. It is a box made of some kind of paper, smooth on top and bottom, rough on the sides. A rustle of tiny objects inside the box piques her curiosity. Opening the box, she picks out one small item and rolls it between her fingers. She can feel that it is a small squared off wooden stick with rounded top. As her mind identifies the object she grasps between two fingers, her imagination is released. She holds freedom between thumb and forefinger. Grasping the match in one hand and the box in the other, she places the tip to the rough surface of the side of the box. The scratching sound and the blue streak of light across the dotted cardboard is followed by millions of shards of yellow light and then one tremendous flash of white flame. Washed in its small but strong light, she is in the center of everything. She sees all.
Reassurance comes to her troubled mind. All outside sounds and thoughts vanish as her eyes gaze intently at the world of wonder she hold in her hand. It is a wand, and she is the princess. She breathes in the rich intoxicating smell of sulfur. A smile plays around the corner of her mouth. Her golden hair glows, illuminated by the aura. As the flame begins to quickly recede, panic once again invades her mind. The fire must not die. Intuitively she inverts her hand, willing the flame to revive and travel up toward her hand, leaving the stick behind it blackened and shriveled. A short burning thrill to her fingers brings her to reality. She drops the match. The flame goes out. Only a tiny glowing red ember remains on the cold hard floor as invisible smoke releases and fills the space. The red light fades. Once again she sits in darkness, small and alone. But never powerless again.
Have you ever felt like the little matchstick girl? So powerless in your life that you are searching for something that can give you some control? When we look for a source of power outside of God, often we take refuge in something harmful. We think we have found some measure of control, when we have really become dependent on something with the potential to control us and ultimately destroy our lives.
Hope comes in the form of a small object lying near her feet. It is a box made of some kind of paper, smooth on top and bottom, rough on the sides. A rustle of tiny objects inside the box piques her curiosity. Opening the box, she picks out one small item and rolls it between her fingers. She can feel that it is a small squared off wooden stick with rounded top. As her mind identifies the object she grasps between two fingers, her imagination is released. She holds freedom between thumb and forefinger. Grasping the match in one hand and the box in the other, she places the tip to the rough surface of the side of the box. The scratching sound and the blue streak of light across the dotted cardboard is followed by millions of shards of yellow light and then one tremendous flash of white flame. Washed in its small but strong light, she is in the center of everything. She sees all.
Reassurance comes to her troubled mind. All outside sounds and thoughts vanish as her eyes gaze intently at the world of wonder she hold in her hand. It is a wand, and she is the princess. She breathes in the rich intoxicating smell of sulfur. A smile plays around the corner of her mouth. Her golden hair glows, illuminated by the aura. As the flame begins to quickly recede, panic once again invades her mind. The fire must not die. Intuitively she inverts her hand, willing the flame to revive and travel up toward her hand, leaving the stick behind it blackened and shriveled. A short burning thrill to her fingers brings her to reality. She drops the match. The flame goes out. Only a tiny glowing red ember remains on the cold hard floor as invisible smoke releases and fills the space. The red light fades. Once again she sits in darkness, small and alone. But never powerless again.
Have you ever felt like the little matchstick girl? So powerless in your life that you are searching for something that can give you some control? When we look for a source of power outside of God, often we take refuge in something harmful. We think we have found some measure of control, when we have really become dependent on something with the potential to control us and ultimately destroy our lives.
Friday, April 10, 2009
"Keep Swimming" What's THAT all about?
So many of you have been so kind and sent notes of concern after reading my blog "Keep Swimming". It's comforting to know how many people are out there that care. I've decided to "publish" the story behind the story. This is actually just copied and pasted out of an answer I sent to a friend. I've edited it just a little for posting purposes. I hope it will be a testimony to someone who reads it.
The story behind "Keep Swimming" is my life story. I have always been told how to live a good life for the Lord, but haven't known how to have a relationship with Him. You know how that can become....very tiring! I relate it to swimming and getting nowhere. Before I knew it, I was swimming just for the sake of swimming. Others around me were making no progress either. There are so many of us who are just working to please the Lord and have lost sight of Him. There are a few out there who are making it, but they seem unreachable. We can't attain to their level of joy or abundant life. Even those words, joy, abundant life, sounded just like empty words to me.
I knew God was the giver of love, joy, peace (warmth) but I couldn’t experience those things while I was just performing and not having relationship. I swam harder, hoping it would give me that relationship. Fortunately, that’s not how God works. I'm so glad to know what I know now, that I please Him by relationship, not perfection. I now wonder how much of the swimming was my idea in the first place. My efforts in my own strength blocked God's power to reach me. (Having a form of Godliness but denying the power thereof).
In the midst of my struggle, I did begin to feel very hopeless. This part of the story is especially descriptive of how I felt as I began to look at the world (the boat) and wonder if it held any more abundant life than my constant performance was getting me. In the end, I denied God and took up a pet sin (life ring). It seemed to help me to cope. I knew that others around me would treat me harshly, like my fellow swimmer did in the story, if they only knew. They would tell me to just straighten up. It was harder than that. I felt so desperate that I clung to my sin like an addict holds to drugs. I wonder how many Christians like me turn to sins or even addictions when they finally reach the conclusion that they can never measure up. I would try to get rid of my particular stronghold, and then I would panic when I thought of having to survive and work to please God again. Finally, at the time I wrote "Keep Swimming" (a few months ago) I decided to give up the sin for good. But I didn't know the next step. I wrote exactly what I was feeling at the time...a determination to leave the sin once and for all, and a general confusion about how to begin my life with God again. I was sure that God was there and just hoped that I could someday feel His warmth and presence. I didn't want to go back to just performance but didn't know any other way, so I asked, "what do I do now, keep swimming?"
God reveals himself to those who seek Him. When you know no other way and you ask Him, He will show you. He also gives us people in our lives that can be just what we need, if we'll open our eyes and see that they are there. Swallowing my pride, I called someone whom I looked up to in the faith and told him about my struggles. God used him to point me in the direction of living a grace filled life. I'm still learning. But what I've learned most has been that God is more important to Him than how good I am. If you have been raised in a legalistic background, your brain may have just tuned out. Read it again. Your relationship with God is more important to Him than how good you are. Think about your kids. If your daughter became pregnant for instance, would you want her to hide it, maybe even get an abortion in order to appear good to you and maintain your relationship as you had always known it? Or would you want her to share it with you? As much as it would hurt, you would want her to share it. You would feel a lack of relationship if she felt she had to go it alone and that she wasn't good enough for you. You would let her know that while you didn't approve of her sin, you still loved her the same. Chances are, your relationship with your daughter would be even closer after that. But look at how we do the same with God. We deny ourselves relationship with Him when we don't measure up (and we NEVER measure up). We kind of paint him to be a big, bad, no-blessing-giving parent, don't we?
The good news is that I am in the sun today. There are many factors that contributed to it, but I think the main one is that I sought HIM. He rewarded me with Himself. I have never experienced God like I do now. My feelings of "not good enough" are His to deal with and I am just basking in His acceptance. It is wonderful! All I have been throught has brought me closer to Him and given me more to be able to give others. If there is anything I can do for you, to help you experience God's goodness, please let me know. I'm so glad to be able to share this with you!
Stop swimming...take up flying!
The story behind "Keep Swimming" is my life story. I have always been told how to live a good life for the Lord, but haven't known how to have a relationship with Him. You know how that can become....very tiring! I relate it to swimming and getting nowhere. Before I knew it, I was swimming just for the sake of swimming. Others around me were making no progress either. There are so many of us who are just working to please the Lord and have lost sight of Him. There are a few out there who are making it, but they seem unreachable. We can't attain to their level of joy or abundant life. Even those words, joy, abundant life, sounded just like empty words to me.
I knew God was the giver of love, joy, peace (warmth) but I couldn’t experience those things while I was just performing and not having relationship. I swam harder, hoping it would give me that relationship. Fortunately, that’s not how God works. I'm so glad to know what I know now, that I please Him by relationship, not perfection. I now wonder how much of the swimming was my idea in the first place. My efforts in my own strength blocked God's power to reach me. (Having a form of Godliness but denying the power thereof).
In the midst of my struggle, I did begin to feel very hopeless. This part of the story is especially descriptive of how I felt as I began to look at the world (the boat) and wonder if it held any more abundant life than my constant performance was getting me. In the end, I denied God and took up a pet sin (life ring). It seemed to help me to cope. I knew that others around me would treat me harshly, like my fellow swimmer did in the story, if they only knew. They would tell me to just straighten up. It was harder than that. I felt so desperate that I clung to my sin like an addict holds to drugs. I wonder how many Christians like me turn to sins or even addictions when they finally reach the conclusion that they can never measure up. I would try to get rid of my particular stronghold, and then I would panic when I thought of having to survive and work to please God again. Finally, at the time I wrote "Keep Swimming" (a few months ago) I decided to give up the sin for good. But I didn't know the next step. I wrote exactly what I was feeling at the time...a determination to leave the sin once and for all, and a general confusion about how to begin my life with God again. I was sure that God was there and just hoped that I could someday feel His warmth and presence. I didn't want to go back to just performance but didn't know any other way, so I asked, "what do I do now, keep swimming?"
God reveals himself to those who seek Him. When you know no other way and you ask Him, He will show you. He also gives us people in our lives that can be just what we need, if we'll open our eyes and see that they are there. Swallowing my pride, I called someone whom I looked up to in the faith and told him about my struggles. God used him to point me in the direction of living a grace filled life. I'm still learning. But what I've learned most has been that God is more important to Him than how good I am. If you have been raised in a legalistic background, your brain may have just tuned out. Read it again. Your relationship with God is more important to Him than how good you are. Think about your kids. If your daughter became pregnant for instance, would you want her to hide it, maybe even get an abortion in order to appear good to you and maintain your relationship as you had always known it? Or would you want her to share it with you? As much as it would hurt, you would want her to share it. You would feel a lack of relationship if she felt she had to go it alone and that she wasn't good enough for you. You would let her know that while you didn't approve of her sin, you still loved her the same. Chances are, your relationship with your daughter would be even closer after that. But look at how we do the same with God. We deny ourselves relationship with Him when we don't measure up (and we NEVER measure up). We kind of paint him to be a big, bad, no-blessing-giving parent, don't we?
The good news is that I am in the sun today. There are many factors that contributed to it, but I think the main one is that I sought HIM. He rewarded me with Himself. I have never experienced God like I do now. My feelings of "not good enough" are His to deal with and I am just basking in His acceptance. It is wonderful! All I have been throught has brought me closer to Him and given me more to be able to give others. If there is anything I can do for you, to help you experience God's goodness, please let me know. I'm so glad to be able to share this with you!
Stop swimming...take up flying!
Monday, April 6, 2009
Multi-Tasking
Recently as a homework assignment for a writing course I am taking, I was asked to make a list of priorities. I sent them in to my mentor. He made the comment that my priorities seemed to be in order, 'especially for a busy person’ adding that I should make sure that I write some every day. You can't imagine how thrilled I was just to know that he could see I am a busy person. A lot of people don’t see it that way. Just last night a teenage girl at church asked me what I do after I take the boys to school each day, suggesting in her own words that I ‘sit around the house’. First of all, it takes me an hour and a half just to take my kids to school, and another hour and a half to pick them up, thank you very much. That leaves me with only five hours to ‘sit around’. But her comment did get me thinking. What do I do every day?
For busy moms like myself who run helter-skelter all the time, it can sometimes be hard to define what we do. Heck, most of the time I’m doing more than one thing anyway. I sometimes will sit dutifully down to 'write every day' and notice that my bedside table is full of half-empty water bottles. I’m not the only one in my family that never finishes a bottle, so I go around to each room and collect an armload of them. On my way to the kitchen to pour them out and throw them away, I pass the front door and remember a planter there full of thirsty petunias. I pour the contents there rather than waste the water. While doing that, I realize I don’t have enough to water all the plants so I turn on the hose and get busy. While I’m soaking the flower beds I get down and pull up some pesky weeds and grass. Soon I have quite a pile going so I go into the house to get a trash bag. There are none. Better make a grocery list! I open the refrigerator to take stock. Boy, it’s dirty in here. No time like the present to clean it! So I start to unload, sitting items out on the floor. I take out the shelves and put them in the sink, turning on the hot water. While running the water, I look out the window and see the family dog, her sad pathetic little cocker spaniel eyes saying “feed me!” I open the back door and she comes bounding in, knocking over the ketchup bottles and pickle jars on the floor, skidding around the corner and racing toward the open front door. Once out there, she splashes through the water that is now overflowing the flower beds. The grass and weeds I had cleaned out is drifting down the sidewalk in unsightly clumps. I manage to grab her and pull her back through the house, her muddy paws screeching across the hardwood floors. I finally get her out and shut the door. Remembering the kitchen sink just in time I rush back to turn off the water. Exhausted and unaccomplished I grab a water bottle off the floor near the fridge and head back to the bedroom to write. I’ll have to clean up the mess later. My husband will wonder ‘what I did today’ and I won’t be able to tell him. He’ll be amused that I randomly placed little piles of weeds along the walkway leading to the house. He’ll think it odd that I lined up condiments on the kitchen floor. A lingering odor of 'wet dog' might cause him to momentarily assume that I spent the day grooming our pets. He'll quickly see that's not right. Not only did I not bathe her, I didn't feed her either! Maybe he’ll notice my big accomplishment of the day: the water bottles are off the nightstands. Maybe not. Maybe I had better get back to my writing assignment. That’s one thing I can control. Now….what will I write about?
For busy moms like myself who run helter-skelter all the time, it can sometimes be hard to define what we do. Heck, most of the time I’m doing more than one thing anyway. I sometimes will sit dutifully down to 'write every day' and notice that my bedside table is full of half-empty water bottles. I’m not the only one in my family that never finishes a bottle, so I go around to each room and collect an armload of them. On my way to the kitchen to pour them out and throw them away, I pass the front door and remember a planter there full of thirsty petunias. I pour the contents there rather than waste the water. While doing that, I realize I don’t have enough to water all the plants so I turn on the hose and get busy. While I’m soaking the flower beds I get down and pull up some pesky weeds and grass. Soon I have quite a pile going so I go into the house to get a trash bag. There are none. Better make a grocery list! I open the refrigerator to take stock. Boy, it’s dirty in here. No time like the present to clean it! So I start to unload, sitting items out on the floor. I take out the shelves and put them in the sink, turning on the hot water. While running the water, I look out the window and see the family dog, her sad pathetic little cocker spaniel eyes saying “feed me!” I open the back door and she comes bounding in, knocking over the ketchup bottles and pickle jars on the floor, skidding around the corner and racing toward the open front door. Once out there, she splashes through the water that is now overflowing the flower beds. The grass and weeds I had cleaned out is drifting down the sidewalk in unsightly clumps. I manage to grab her and pull her back through the house, her muddy paws screeching across the hardwood floors. I finally get her out and shut the door. Remembering the kitchen sink just in time I rush back to turn off the water. Exhausted and unaccomplished I grab a water bottle off the floor near the fridge and head back to the bedroom to write. I’ll have to clean up the mess later. My husband will wonder ‘what I did today’ and I won’t be able to tell him. He’ll be amused that I randomly placed little piles of weeds along the walkway leading to the house. He’ll think it odd that I lined up condiments on the kitchen floor. A lingering odor of 'wet dog' might cause him to momentarily assume that I spent the day grooming our pets. He'll quickly see that's not right. Not only did I not bathe her, I didn't feed her either! Maybe he’ll notice my big accomplishment of the day: the water bottles are off the nightstands. Maybe not. Maybe I had better get back to my writing assignment. That’s one thing I can control. Now….what will I write about?
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Recommended Books List
If you’ve ever asked me for advice on anything—maybe even something as simple as “how do I get to a restroom from here?” you may have gotten a book recommendation. Okay, well, maybe it’s not that bad. But I do recommend books a lot. I have often thought of making a list of books I recommend. But when I start to do that, I can’t think of any. I usually read books and forget about them. I only remember them when someone has a problem that I know a certain book has addressed beautifully. In that way, I don’t have a general recommendation list for everybody, but a kind of custom made book list for each person I talk to. Now doesn’t that make you feel special?
Having said that, if I were to make a list I would put two books on it. Yes…just two. Okay, before you get super-spiritual with me and ask if one of them is the Bible—No, it isn’t. That goes without saying. Just like when you are asked who your hero is, and you say “Jesus” even when you’d really like to be just like Elvis. So, other than the Bible there are two books that I would put on my “everybody ought to read ‘em” list. These two have been so touching and transforming that I would recommend them to everybody. Whether you’re grieving a lost loved one, you have an addiction, you’re experiencing relationship problems or your husband snores you need these books. I love reviews, but rather than write a review for you to read, I would love to see you just jump into these books and see what they might do for your life. They are:
Safely Home by Randy Alcorn
The Shack by Wm. Paul Young
I am well aware that not everybody will have the same opinion of these books as I do. You might have even been “warned” not to read one of them. But you know me. You know my character. If you think you can risk a recommendation from me, I encourage you to go for it!
Maybe these books will change your life too. Maybe not. If they don’t have the lasting effect on you that they have had on me, they are still good reading and I am confident you will get at least some blessing for having tried them. Read ‘em and let me know what you think. If they touch your life in a particular way, I would love to hear about it.
Having said that, if I were to make a list I would put two books on it. Yes…just two. Okay, before you get super-spiritual with me and ask if one of them is the Bible—No, it isn’t. That goes without saying. Just like when you are asked who your hero is, and you say “Jesus” even when you’d really like to be just like Elvis. So, other than the Bible there are two books that I would put on my “everybody ought to read ‘em” list. These two have been so touching and transforming that I would recommend them to everybody. Whether you’re grieving a lost loved one, you have an addiction, you’re experiencing relationship problems or your husband snores you need these books. I love reviews, but rather than write a review for you to read, I would love to see you just jump into these books and see what they might do for your life. They are:
Safely Home by Randy Alcorn
The Shack by Wm. Paul Young
I am well aware that not everybody will have the same opinion of these books as I do. You might have even been “warned” not to read one of them. But you know me. You know my character. If you think you can risk a recommendation from me, I encourage you to go for it!
Maybe these books will change your life too. Maybe not. If they don’t have the lasting effect on you that they have had on me, they are still good reading and I am confident you will get at least some blessing for having tried them. Read ‘em and let me know what you think. If they touch your life in a particular way, I would love to hear about it.
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