First Day in Massage Therapy

My intense back pain finally drove me to the chiropractor. I had tried the regular doc. People warned me that all he would do would be to give me muscle relaxers and run tests and MRI’s. They were right. So, I finally listened to some of my friends who recommended chiropractic treatment and massage therapy.

My first mistake might have been going there in the first place. I stuck with my old chiropractor based solely on the fact that he had a massage therapist right there in the office. I was hoping the massage would be part of my treatment. Imagine! A doctor ordering you to get a massage! I went in and laid down on the table. Ambient music played and water gurgled in a miniature fountain. And then she walked in.

I know people who talk about their these ‘healers’ in saintly terms, calling them miracle workers and so on. Not this one. She was the Monstrous Masseuse from Hell. My first clue should have been when she laughed and called me her victim. I thought she was kidding. Guess I thought wrong.

My second mistake was telling her where it hurt most. Take my advice if you ever go to one of these “therapists”: DON’T TELL WHERE IT HURTS! These therapists are paid on commission based on how bad they hurt you. Run if you can. Lie if you have to. But no. I had to tell her the exact location of the damaged nerve. She worked it till I cried. When she had succeeded in driving all feeling from my back, she had the gall to ask why I wasn’t flinching anymore. Unfortunately, by then I was too weak to slap her.