Saturday, July 11, 2009

Closet Artist (vol.2)

(continued from previous post...)


Being watched is not always a bad thing.  Especially when you’re sure of what you’re doing.  It had worked out well for me that day, to be sure.  It might have pumped my ego a little to know that those contestants closest to me, those who had the best view of my painting, had captured the second and third place ribbons.  Maybe my picture was worth copying after all.  Still it bothered me.  I didn’t like the feeling of being responsible for what other people did.  What would happen if I painted a bad picture?  What if my ideas were bad?  Or my technique was off?  What if I simply lacked inspiration?  Would others continue to follow?  


What would be the outcome for those blind copy cats if I was a bad example?  And what would it do for my self-esteem if I accidentally led them into painting horrid, ugly pictures and all the world knew where they got their inspiration?


To make matters worse, through the years I noticed myself being singled out as a creative type.  Please, Hope, help us make this.  Please, Hope, show us how to paint that.  It wasn’t long until I was coerced into full-fledged teaching.  Not only was I being copied....I was demonstrating publicly something that used to be very private and personal.  All the while the fears lurked?  What if I fail?


I discovered that a good fake can often to be the answer to the pressure to perform.  An artist can bring a painting to class and no one will know it is not an original.  As the students 'ooh and ahh' over it, the teacher can discuss technique and perspective without ever actually saying the painting is hers.  Yet all the while she knows they think it is hers.  And she knows that not only is the piece a fake, but that she is  a fake as well.  


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